It is I, Skip, David’s twin brother
No matter. I am generous. I am magnanimous. My hand remains outstretched to you.
And so it is with misgivings that I have watched, from my underwater fortress, as after (I do not dispute it) some minor victories, small and petty as they might be, you have rested on your laurels. You have alienated your own followers. You have treated an upstart feeder of raccoons to children as a credible leader-in-potentia. You have allowed the worm DeNiro to mock both your organization, and my robot army.
You have, in short, left me no choice but to take this opportunity
The superiority of my ten-point platform should be self-evident.
My Ten-Point Platform
- The Board of Directors and all offices, other than that of the President, to be dissolved.
- The By-Laws to be replaced with a clear and straightforward system of dictatorial fiat.
- The Nebula nomination process to be abolished; all Nebula, Norton, and Grandmaster awards to be given at the sole discretion of the President.
- The insubstantial punishment of censure to be replaced by the more substantial one of flogging ’round the fleet.
- A fleet to be constructed for this purpose.
- The well-meaning but ineffectual E-Piracy Committee to be replaced by a crack battalion of pirate-hunting robot ninja hobo dinosaurs.
- Political officers, appointed by the President from the ranks of suitable Analog authors and past recipients of the Sidewise and Prometheus awards, to be placed in the editorial offices of all professionally qualifying periodical markets and book publishers, in order to ensure scientifictional purity.
- All writers of slipstream, Infernokrusher, interstitial fiction and other crypto-realist literature to be sentenced to transportation.
- A lunar prison colony, operated on strict Heinleinlich principles, to be constructed for this purpose.
- All dues to be paid by convenient electronic funds transfer direct to the Presidential account in the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus.
I do not ask for your support. I do not ask for your signatures. I ask only for your unreasoning, unquestioning obedience. I know the democratic process is both cumbersome and tiresome, and provide this platform only for information, so that you may be better prepared for what is to come.
As a nefarious mastermind, I rely not on democracy, but on technology.
Have no fear; you need not lift a finger to ensure my hegemony. Simply know that your tabulating machines are in good hands.